JohnRoss’s The Adventures of leet
Satan’s Blob: Here is the Anthology of leet. The bestest thing ever, the brainchild of JohnRoss; posted here (originally) without his consent. So as it’s NEVAR lost unlike.. tales of the leet part 2.For Great Justice.
*salutes*
adventures of Leet part 1:
As the Prophesy said, the One would come to save the world when they 4 Stones dissapeared.
Leet: s1ster im thirsty omg.
Sister: k hehe.
Leet: k.
Leet: so gibme a coke!!1
Sister: lamo! Omg lamo.
Leet: LOL!! say taht agin.
After almost dying of thirst, Leet finally gets a drink and him and Sister start out on the perilous adventure to save the world.
Wise Elder: You must collect all 4 stones to save the world! um, one earth, one wind-
Leet: omg slow down egghead!!!11
Wise Elder: omg
Wise Elder: r u sure ur teh 1/
Sister: omg fag
Leet: prolly ya.
After traveling for days, Leet and Sister reach the desert land where the Stone Temple stands- the place of the first Stone.
Leet: omg my straw hat ticles.
Sister: ya it gay.
Leet: ho!shift.
After sleeping together, they finally arrive inside the temple and the final boss jumps out and confronts them.
Sister: OMFG!!!!1.
Leet: omg look at that fag!
Sister: beat him up quik.
Leet: oh sh1t
Sister: wat
Leet: S1ster i forgot my sord.
Sister:
Sister: WHAT? omfg.
Leet: lol my bad
Will Leet and Sister get F@#$%d by the final boss of the first temple? Find out next time
———Unfortunately The Adventures of Leet part 2 was supposedly lost in the great Vimm crash of sometime in 2003, probably. So, sucks to be everyone except those who had the chance to read it.———
adventures of Leet part 3:
*************LEET PART 3 KTHXOMG.*************
After collecting the 2nd stone, they began the trek for the third stone up the great icy mountains of the equator
Leet: br its cold.
Leet: hey s1ster
S1ster: wat?
Leet: i am naked under my clothes.
s1ster: so?
Leet: omg sister! its a turtle look.
They walked a few feet and found a very small turtle, frozen, with his head and arms stuck under the ice and his butt sticking out in the air.
S1ster: lol that sucks- its frozen.
Leet: haha, his butt is stiking out of teh ice
S1ster: lol- turtle soup my favorit
Leet: lol hehe but we cant hael him we don have no spels. let go walk more that way *walks that way*
sister and leet walked that way, and all the sudden! a IMP came out from nowhere and confronted them.
Imp: Raa!
Leet: omfg!!1112fiveone
S1ster: hi imp.
Imp: wtf r u doin here peeps!!!111 omg!!1
Imp: omfg ur so ded!!11122numbersign
Imp: *SCAN emenies*
S1ster: Human 345/345 hp
35/36 mp
Leet: Human 15/15 hp
2/2 mp
Leet: *grits teeth and balls one fist*
Sister: *scan! deh imp omg.*
teh random imp mini boss: 1/1 hp
Leet: *retreats*
Leet lost 2 gold!
Leet: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! k *runs back*
S1ster: lol u cheap ass.
Leet: fux u i need 2 buy plastashin 9 romhs and emulatar from vim.com
the imp pulled out a wooden stick and hit leet in the arm and leet passed out and fell on the ground. Then s1ster screamed and punched the imp on the face, and he fell instantly.
Victory!
45 exp. points gained!
Leet: i’m awake….
S1ster: k
Leet and S1ster found 3 gp!
S1ster: yay
Leet: yay!
S1ster learns fire 3!
S1ster: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Leet: hehe. cool. what do i get
S1ster learns Ice 3!
S1ster: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Leet: …..
S1ster learns cure 3 and bio 2!!!!
S1ster: omg! dang!!0
Leet: man… come on wat do i win. for real
S1ster learns cure 4, bio 3, regen, sleep, thaw, and ultima!!!
Sister: HELL TEH FUKC YA.
Leet: llo
Leet: OK GOD DANIT WAT I GET? TELL IT.
Leet learns Moist Air!
Leet: ….
S1ster: lmao u fag
Leet: man that is SO gay.
Leet: wtf is this omg and it cost 2 mp. hey its all i got. fine lets go thaw teh poor turlte, u got thaw spell
leet and sister backtracked to where they originally found the turtle, and for some reason he was still in the same position as when they left him. hands and face sticking forth under the ice, butt sticking out in the air
Leet: hey he didnt move!
S1ster: somethings fishy
Leet: well lets thaw him out.
S1ster: ok stand back!!
Leet: k!!
s1ster: Magic- Thaw
*thaws turlte*
turtle: *dusts himself off* thanks heres teh dunjin map for teh 3rd templ.
*leet and s1ster walks into the ice tmeple*
leet: my n1ples are cold. COLD COLD COLD
s1ster: hehe.
leet: my p3cker is so far in….
Sister: come one…
leet: taht i am screwing myslef
s1ster: shh!!! look wh0 is she that girl.
leet: w0ah!! chix!
*the girl walks up*
leet: hi baby!! asl?
girl: …
girl: wtf?
leet: 
girl: ?
leet:
girl: ?
leet:
s1ster: omg.
leet: im italian.
s1ster: ya rite ur mexican lololo
girl: im mexican. and H0T.
*girl turns into teh 3rd monster*
monster: im teh hardest boss EVAR!12345
s1ster: o no
leet: fuxor!
moster: so, FIRST I’M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR HEAD
leet: k
monster: AND THEN I’M GONNA BEAT YOU WITH YOUR OWN ARMS
leet: k
monster: AND THEN I’M GONNA MAKE U WISH U WAS NEVER BORN OMG.
leet: k
s1ster: leet u idiot!11 charge!
*monster knocks sister out COLD in teh ice tempel and she swoons.*
S1ster: Oh, teh pain!!!!*
leet: s1ster no!
leet: TTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHBT**
leet: fenix down!!!!
*sister alive again*
leet: stan back!!11111111111111111111111111111
Leet: MOST AIR!!!!!!!!!!!oneelevenfive
leet: ….
leet: that just made my bals sweaty.
s1ster: …
the monster laughed at them, then ran over to leet and picked him up with its strong arm, and just before leet yelled ‘hey my dad 1s a C0P.’ he smashed him onto the tile and he died.
Omg what will happen!!! find out when i get more ideas!!1
*Thanks to Pepsibeth for this line.
** I made this line up myself. Everyone like it? ha.
Adventures of leet part 4:
LEET PART 4 *FINAL* loaded
S1ster: leet oh no. cure 1 I mean life 1
leet:thx! omg s1ster he’s 2 strong!!1 what the fukc do we do!!11
leet: *wtf
s1ster: UM!!!
monster: raa
s1ster: UUUMM!!!!
monster: raAa wtf
S1ster: !!!! …. *SLEEP*
leet: !!!
s1ster: !!
Monster: .. …. zzzZz
leet: lmfao
s1ster: ahaahhaah
leet: lol ok. wat now???
s1ster: well dont wake him up!
leet: omg k!
s1ster: umm..
leet: lol! lets just TAKE TEH CRISTAL WTF!
s1ster: lol!! ok!
*leet and sister sneek by and take the H2O crystal*
s1ster: dont do the song
Leet: “Still teh 1!”
Monster: … *rubs his eyes*
s1ster: wtf leet
Leet: well thats it were dead.
*monster kills them both*
WTF!!!
*the thawed out frog comes bouncing in through the 3 story high double doors to the temple*
frog: cure 3. on both
s1ster: *recovery* *turns to boss* *raises hands*
s1ster: ultima! fire 3! meteor!
s1ster: pummel! as-rape w/ Tripple Fist!
leet: ya!
sister on crack: ULTIMA 2 THBBBBT ODIN- BEHAMUT- CHOCOBO, WTF!!!
Monster: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fukc
s1ster on her 2nd third line of powder: *chugs ether* ULTIMA 3 B1TCH! FUKcING FIRE *FOUR*!!!! FUKC!!!!!
leet: yay!! *moist air*
Monster: …. !!!
Monster: *recovery!*
s1ster: omfg.
leet: lol my bad i thot it would help.
leet: but it didnt.
s1ster: U DONT SAY.
leet: ya.
leet: i mean no
Leet: yes.
Frog: get da fux bak BOTHE of u. *Knights of the Round*
Ultimate End x w summon x mimic x mp plus wtf ultimate
Monster: man that’s fked up…
Monster: *dies*
________________________
Frog: well i saved ur ases!
S1ster and Leet: i know, thx for teh help!
Frog: np! *turns into the Wise Elder*
Leet: !!!
Leet: omg its Egghead
leet: *mouth open in awe*
S1ster: omg.. PLOT twist!
leet: :O
Wise Elder: so big deal. i was teh turtle so?
Leet: th1s whole…. time ….just omg.
*35 minutes of dead silence*
Wise Elder: i got frozen on teh way to gib u deh dunin map.. so wtf
______________________________
With one more crystal to go, they began the journey to the fire temple where they would WIN.
s1ster: isnt it a lovely day?
*encounter*
Pincer attack!
Emerald Weapon
s1ster: o. m. g.
And One Winged Angel!
leet: ya o. g. m.
s1ster: do u even understan how f’d we is?
leet: o. g. m
s1ster: leet
leet: wut!
s1ster: ur ded. *turns into the Final Boss*
leet: …o no…
_______________________________________________
leet woke up with a WARK, and s1ster comforted him. he had been fighting for days trying to save the world and now he was having nightmares about the final boss beating him. he had to go end this! once and for all
s1ster: ok leet this last one’s gonna blow. so l3ts go to teh t0wn over tehre to get stuff.
*walks in town*
leet: armor shop s1ster!
s1ster: ok lets go
*walks in the armor shop*
leet: w0w! l00k at al teh neat stuff.!! 
s1xter: ya!
sh0p Pwner: sop
leet: hi
sh0p Pwner: omg!!) omg r u teh 2 peeps taht are saving teh world! omg look every1 its dem!
everyone: omg yay!
leet: ya we r! omg look at this karate suit i NEEEEEEEED it.
sh0p Pwner: ya man try on it!!11
leet: ok thx!
s1ster:
sh0p Pwner: np man take it! so that’ll be 30,000 gold kthx wtf.
leet: wtf/!
s1ster: ya wtf?
sh0p Pwner: sory thats howit always works u no.
leet: lemme try on them spr1nt sh00z.
sh0p Pwner: k here
leet: peace
s1ster lol
sh0p Pwner: wtf
____________________________
the skies turned black and lightning shot about. the end was near.. they had to hurry.
s1ster: 1n2 t3h fire tempel!!3.14pi
leet: o fukcing k!11111*(&^*(&^*(&^(*^*(&^ numlock the balls
*runs in and opens teh lastest most lastest boss door*
boss playing piano: ive been waiting for both or ur balls.
leet: TEH SOTNE RIGHT NOW KTHX
boss stopping playing the piano: nevar bizzitch
s1ster: >:|
boss: NOW listen I NO TEH OTHOR BOSS SAID HE WAS TEH HARDEST BOSS EVAR.
s1ster: ya he did
leet: t3h
final boss: WELL I AM FOR REAL TEH HARDEST, L33TEST, MOST LEETEST BOSS EVAR55555
leet: sh1tzor1
same boss: *big bang 2*
leet: t3h
leet: omfg. *TENT*
boss: …. WTF!
leet: ?
boss: WTF!!!
leet: 
BOSS: WTF U CANT DO THAT
s1ster: stfu
BOSS: U CANT JUST TENT IN THE MIDDLE OF TEH FIGHT WTF!!!
leet: *moist air*
BOSS: WTF!! WAIT UR TURN GOD DAMMIT
leet: ?
BOSS: SIGH. i want all of ur balls to die now for real *touch of death*
*30 minute summon*
leet: oh no! 1 hp for everyone
final boss raised his weapon to kill them all, but then a heal spell flew into the chamber and replinished all their hp
leet: YAY
n00b: LEET U FORGOT YOUR SORD
leet: N00B sweet where is it
n00b: oh…. i forgot it 2 brbrbrbrr
s1ster: >_< now we’ll n3v3rr beat the b0ss
n00b: k back. teh helz we wont.
n00b: dubble tech LEET N00B
*F1n4l Fux0r*
boss: sh][tzor.
*dies*
leet: 1 111one
s1ster: ?
leet: 1 111one
s1ster: anyways
*saves world*
Adventures of leet part 5
RANSOME NOTE: “i stole ur 6th cuzin. lmao hes gonna die reel soon. SEE U AT MY PALICE if ur not SCURD. I ONLEE GOT ENUFF INK LEFT TO SAY LAST NITE UR MOM LIKT EVRY 1 OF MY”
Leet and S1ster run in the new palace door to find Noob, and the the boss is right at the beginning
Boss: OMG
S1ster: wat?
Leet: fag werhe is my cuzzin!
Boss: OMG…!
S1ster:
Leet: ?//
Boss: OMG I HAD IT ALL LAID OUT
Leet and S1ster: huh
Boss: DA HOLE DUNGIN WAS LAYD OUT JUS RITE. I WAS GONA WATE AT DA END. NOW U HERE ALREDY SO ITS ALL FUK’D UP.
Leet charges!!!
S1ster: LEEEET NOOOOOO
Leet: *moistER air*
Leet ran in and half-ass casted it, and the humidity made the monstrous boss blink a bit. Then he crushed Leet with his leg-arm.
Leet: AHHHhh *coff* DIS FAG IS almosed inviscvible JEZIS.
S1ster: Leet no i told u thats a fag atak. it never wurks!1 *begins to cast comet 65 on boss*
Boss: WATE OMG SHIT WATE!!11 GOD
S1ster: WAT BITHC? ITS ON DA TIPS OF MY PINGERS NIG!
Boss: WE DO A BATLE OF WITZ INSTED. K? OMG
Noob: omg help!
Leet: NOOBZOR!11
Noob: ya HI help!
S1ster: omg hang on Noob! dont fal out of da cage!
Noob: itz ok S1ster teh hols r 2 smal!!!! i cant eben stikc my hed thru!11
S1ster: omg k dats good!!1
Leet: I MIS U NOOB
________________________________________________
*Black and white cutscene, Noob at his shitty farmhous earlier that morning*
Noob: daddy i got done wit duh wurk u sed 4 me 2 do. u sed u got pade 2day can i hab sum watr and bred?
Noob’s hairy wife beater father: I KNOW I JUST GOT PAID. BUT A MAN DESERVES A DRINK AFTER A LONG WEEK’S WORK. AND A LITTLE SOMETHIN ELSE FOR HIMSELF *puts arm around Sally Freebee* HEHEHE. NOW GET ON BOI. *shoves him down into a mud puddle!*
Noob: 
Noob’s hairy wife beater father: HEHEHE. WHAT A FAG BOY- 3 YEARS OLD AND DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO STAND UP, HAHAHA! *pokes him lightly with a stick*…
_______
Around the farmhouse comes a boy riding a horse, with a straw hat and dirty fingernails.
Leet: EET CRAP FATMAN
Noob’s hairy wife beater father: WTF?
*leet jumps off the horse toward Noob’s father, and crashes head first into the puddle with Noob. The horse smashes into Noob’s dad and both fly into the house, knocking it all down. It makes a tiny pile next to them all, MAYBE a wheel barrow’s worth.*
Noob: im stil hungree
Leet: HERE NOOB U CAN HAB SUM OF MY MOIST TOAST
Noob: omg thx Leet
Leet: JK NOT IN 1,0000,00,0.00 YAERS
Noob: 
__________________________________________________________________________-
boss: …
boss: yeeee… let us hab a batle of witz.
Leet: wat? cerael?
boos: no not cereal. i spelld wits wiht a z insted of a s.
S1ster: *nods*
Leet: ….
Leet: cerael?
boos: NO. WITS.
Leet: …?
S1ster: omg Leet
Leet: STUF. U JUS STFU. MEN R TAKLING.
S1ster: WTF
boos: lmao
*15 minutes later*
Leet: so why did u takl about cereal tehn!11
boos: omg I DINNINT. U DID.
Leet: now im hungree idoit!!1^
boss: OMG
boss: ok rdy?!?
Leet: ya fag
Boss: lamo ok heeeeeere we g0. *walks up to leet really slowly*
Leet: UUUUMMMM
Boos: hehe!! HEHE!
Leet: UM ESCUSE M3 SIR…
*boss leans into Leet’s ear*
boss: FAG SAYS ‘WAT’?
Leet: wat ew
boss: PWND.
*purple air encircles Leet*
boss: I WIN.
Leet: stfu u fag
boss: whos da fag? I JUS GAYED U FAG.
Leet: huh?
boss: see look at s1ster do u still want 2 b0ne h3r?
Leet: *looks*
S1ster: well Leet?
Leet: …!!!1111 no OMD DATS SO FKED UP NOW IM MESD UP
boss: ur all gona be serv’t rite now. big bang 6 *starts casting omfg!*
Leet: OMFG
S1ster: OMG!11
Noob from the cage: OMG EVERY1 DUKC OR SUMTING, I DUNNO
S1ster: fuk dat im not scurd and confoosed!1 *counterspell*
Boss in his 9th form: OHHH SNAPAROO ITS OVR- *blip*
the boss blows his face off and dies, and the whole palace starts shaking. the guards are all pissed that they didn’t even get to fight. rocks fall on most of them. noob’s cage falls and breaks, and he runs up to Leet and S1ster. Noob and S1ster hug, and a huge crack opens in the floor and Leet falls in onto a lower ledge, like in Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail (wtf dis is good riting!!!)
S1ster: OMG LEET!
Leet: OMG CAN SUM 1 SAKRIFICE DEMSLEVES 4 ME?!3
Noob: i wil leet!1
S1ster: no noob were leeving
Leet: WTF LOL ?
*S1ster and Noob run out screeming*
Memories____________________________________________________________________
Leet and S1ster in front of a new boss with a crystal
S1ster: UR BRUTHR WAZ CUTE ITS UR FALT HE DEID ASS
Leet: STFU >_< NO ITS NOT
S1ster: OK LETS RECAL
*black and white flashbax*
Leet’s brother: *rubs his hands together* Yep! This is great, I get to go on my first skydive for my 18th birthday!!
Pilot: Hurry up, you’ve said that 1000 times. if you’re not gonna jump in the next 10 seconds we’re gonna have to refuel thats 200 dollars.
Leet’s brother: Shit man, I’m just scared! I’m relying on a piece of cloth to save me from splatting!
Pilot: There’s nothing wrong with your parachute. Go. Now.
Leet’s brother: *starts panting*
Leet’s brother: Oh shit, for my family!! *jump*
Leet’s brother: *can’t breathe from fear*
Leet’s brother: WWWAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Leet’s brother: OMFG THIS SUX *pulls cord*
A note flies out of the pack and into his hands:
“Daer brudder: i waz cold las nite so i borod ur parashoot i wil retern it in da morning i promice. i luv u bi.”
Leet’s brother: OMFG ITS STILL OK *pulls reserve cord*
“Daer brudder: i wuz stil cold so i took ur othre para-”
*splat.*
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
S1ster: SEE, U SAW TEH FLASHBAC RITE THERE.
Leet: i sed i wood retern it in da morning Sad(((((
S1ster: HE JUMPED AT 11:55, THATS CUTIN IT CLOSE
Boss: ok. ok every1 stfu RAAA, RAAA!
Leet: ITS NOT MY FAULT, I LUBBED HIM
Boss: WTF LOOK AT ME NOW EVERY1
S1ster: LEET UR SO DUM I SWER U EAT LOTS OF PAINT, 2 WHOLE BUCKETs
Leet: STFU Sad((
Boss: HEY!!! HEEEYYY
S1ster: WTF FAG *Ultima 3*
Boss: HEY W-
*dies*
Leet: lamo
Other Tales of the leet: War of the Worlds Movie Bit:
*Leet sitting in the movie theatre, watching the end to War of the Worlds*
Leet: WTF? HUH? S1ster I want my monmee bakc WTF GAY.
S1ster: butt we snooked in it wuz free Leet lol u hab da memoree of a ostrich.
Leet: WTF? HUH?
To be continued…………….
